Save or savour?

I recently made a “pitch” video for a competition that was open to me through my Small business Sunday winners circle membership and sent it out to a few friends for their constructive comments. At one point I spoke about helping people to “savour their spoons” and my lovely friend Evelyn asked if I’d said save as it wasn’t clear. I answered her to clear it up but it kind of triggered an idea in me that I wanted to write about.

When I created the “self care isn’t selfish” journal the “tagline” I put on it was “a gentle journal to help you savour your spoons”….not store or save but savour…taste and enjoy to the full as the dictionary definition so beautiful says.

Now I guess I should do a little bit on why I’m talking about cutlery when I’m a wellbeing coach…spoons in the terminology here and also the term spoonie relate to “the spoon theory” which was created by writer Christine Miserandino as a way of explaining managing energy and life with chronic illness. There are other ways that have emerged over the years such as battery levels (cos everyone can relate to worries over mobile phone battery!) and money in the bank but the spoon metaphor is the most widely used one and was the first one I came across so it’s my go to reference point (obviously or I wouldn’t have mentioned it here)

Ok so with that cleared up let's get back to the point I wanted to make! When you have a chronic illness or long term condition, in my case fibromyalgia, you have a finite amount of energy to go about your day with so you tend to initially fall into a bit of a rut of being OVER careful with energy levels and hold back on doing things you might REALLY want or even need to do because you know you'll be exhausted after....or have to leave early....or a host of other possibilities and probabilities that make it "safer" just to stay home in the first place. Saving up all your spoons until they tarnish and gather dust

Or you go the other way and constantly push yourself past the point of exhaustion, into a flare and days of being knackered and sore, usually because you "don't want to let....down". I know this because I used to do it A LOT back in the early days after my diagnosis when I was still a chronic people pleaser. Leaving the spoon drawer constantly empty and you wondering if you can borrow some spoons from someone/somewhere just so you can make a cuppa!

The thing is there is a balance to be found....it's possible to savour and make the most of that finite energy so you get to do the stuff you want but don't end up in a messy pile on the floor because you "pushed through" a brick wall you should have stopped at.

It does take a lot of trial and error, a bit of work and a fair amount of planning and preparation to get the hang of it but it can be done and I know that from personal experience.

An example of it working for me recently is a three day trip to Birmingham (for a conference/gathering of members for the sbs group I mentioned at the start). That's not a spur of the moment/off the cuff thing...it's booked a couple of months ahead, and the conference itself is only actually a day long but the traveling means it's down the day before and back the day after because more time taken means more energy to utilise overall.

It still requires the odd sensible "no" when you want to say yes though, for example there were ample opportunities to go out on the Thursday evening in birmingham but when weighed up and considered the smart move for me was a quiet evening in the hotel with my drawing materials and a lot of tea so I was well rested ahead of the big day and that meant I managed to go out for a meal after the conference too...so whilst the no may seem like a saving and holding back on the spoon usage for me it was a strategic decision to enable me to experience more in the long run and have a day to savour.

As I said it's not about hoarding energy and it's certainly not about boom and bust either. It's about adapting, planning and listening to your body so that you can have the experiences and avoid FOMO (fear of missing out)..although sometimes there is something to be said for a bit of JOMO (joy of missing out) once in a while too...maybe that's a conversation for another time.

For now though if you've read this far well done and thank you, and if you're needing a little help learning how to savour your spoons please do reach out for a chat.